I never really knew what love was, not that my parents -or any person of significant relation- never showed me affection, but love never seems to appear clearly in my mind, in any circumstance.
I don't believe I'm uncaring, or cold: I can recognize hate, lust, jealousy, compassion and every other human feeling in a clear manner. Love is something I never felt directly, if there is any such way.
Even when I went out with a girlfriend, the love never showed itself. I felt attraction, but my conception of love never materialized itself during the relationship. That's maybe why the relationships never lasted very long, hehe.
Maybe love is like that for everyone, but who knows. The emotions that jazz instills me is the closest thing that I can relate to love: the feeling of detachment to anything except the moment, the color of the music, the notes that intertwine each other until they become one flowing feeling of another conception of time.
Maybe the only thing I ever loved was the Conception of Jazz, and if so, I guess I'm screwed as far as the idea of starting a family is concerned.
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